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User talk:VenetiaFoxx
EmpyrealInvective (talk) 23:57, January 11, 2015 (UTC) Re: Story. Starting with the smaller issues first, the paragraphs need to be more broken up. The title was also incorrect "VenetiaFoxx" should be "Venetia Foxx". You shouldn't have multiple speakers in the same paragraph. Punctuation: commas missing where needed. Additionally you use commas where a sentence should have ended. "You idiot!" she cried(,) "You messed it up(,/.) you messed it all up!", " "Jesus Danica(,) you are going to give the little girl a heart attack,shes (she's) probably already scared out of her wits.", "Hello little girl(,) have you lost your mommy?", ""Um no(,) I'm sorry.", "...as she shot the man a demented grin(,) waggling her finger as if to tell him he was naughty." Apostrophes missing from contractions. "attack,shes (she's) probably", "white didnt last very long.", "You didnt bring me...", "she wasnt (wasn't) going...". Wording: "assylum", "...her lips parting into a grin that could chill the blood of a snow man." (Wouldn't a snowman's blood already be chilled), "aide her man..." you mean aid, an aide is a helper (noun), "Sadicism" should be sadism. Capitalization: "Scalpel", "Child like" "she (She) had had it(,) this toy was going to last as long as she wanted it,", ""I was hoping to save you for last," she pouted(,) "But you are both stupid." she (She) started to carve then (them)..." Grammar run on sentences "Venetia Foxx looked down(comma missing) cocking her head to the side(comma missing) a slow sadistic smile crossing her lips as she watched the man laying on the floor of her cold dead asylum (?) choke on bubbles of the wonderful Scarlet (scarlet) liquid that coated her hands and worn gown of white,(period) he looked up at her in horror sending thrills down her spine as she dug her finger into the deep jagged wound in his chest feeling the wriggly spasming muscles and the veins now deflated as the man bled out.", ""Why?" was the last words (word) from his cold blue lips as the light finally died and her toy became less interesting,(period) she looked down at the shard of glass in her hand(,) with a slight giggle she tucked it into the belt of her gown." Apostrophes missing from words indicating possession. "woman(')s coat sleeve" Plot issues: In your reasoning: "It didnt(didn't) ramble on and on about details that made it boring, it was to the point and scary." What exactly makes the story scary? It is just a small girl brutally murdering people not taking into account how a girl can overpower so many people. Also electroconvulsive therapy is not used to treat sadism. I'm sorry, but this story does not meet quality standards due to the numerous punctuation, wording, grammatical, capitalization, and plot issues it has. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:33, January 12, 2015 (UTC) :You asked me to explain why it was deleted as it was "far better than most of the ones I read on here" (not the case), those were the reasons. We have quality standards on this wiki so we can actually improve the overall writing skills of authors while providing entertaining stories. EmpyrealInvective (talk) 00:44, January 12, 2015 (UTC) Welcome Hi, welcome to Creepypasta Wiki! Thanks for your edit to the VenetiaFoxx page. Please be sure to check out all the Site Rules, as it is important to follow them. Failure to abide by them may result in your account being blocked. Read some new pastas by checking out or browse by topic by checking out the Genre Listing. Please leave a message on my talk page if I can help with anything! EmpyrealInvective (talk) 01:11, January 12, 2015 (UTC)